When your life is “falling apart,” it is so easy to become discouraged. I have had a season of life where I felt like a big hole has open up on the earth, and I fell in and regardless how hard I struggle to climb out I just couldn’t seem to. During my road to self-discovery, I re-read a journal I wrote years ago at one of my lowest moment, and although I did not realize it then, I died a little on the inside and was reborn to rise again as a wiser version of myself. That very day I learn when life gets hard, live through it and grow through it.
As I experience feeling stagnant inside, I can remember living life as to where I felt utterly helpless and powerless as I wonder as to where my next meal is coming from and if I would have a roof over my head. Also, I have watched the person I care about the most suffer and ache with the deepest soul wounds. All the same, I also had the pleasure of thoroughly living a lavish life and as there’s nothing else for me to do but shop, overspend and give out to family and friends as they hang around just to use me for a convenience.
Like most of us, I’ve been on both sides of the fence, and I understand both needs and wants. I had no control of the outside world. However, I do have control over myself, and that gave me a burning urge that was so powerful that it pulled me out of bed in the morning during times I found myself almost too depressed to get out of bed. In all of those experiences I’ve had, I have realized how to choose the right path. Sure, there are differences of paths, but, when I narrow it down to the necessary truth, I often know the right path to take, but I often struggle with making a
choice because the route I need to take is often a difficult one filled with obstacles, unknowns, and hard work.
Through those experiences, being able to live both worlds, I have learned it is easy when you have plenty, thinking you are surrounded by love and giving when you have enough. However, when it times to deal with struggles, having little, it is hard to deal with, and it hurt like no other. It brings to all the complicated stuff life throws at you. As a matter of fact, my life felt as if I were so alone, although there were others in my life. I learned loneliness is when a person think they are a fragment instead of a whole; you FEEL lonely when you are not alone, but, now I can understand not feeling whole since I learn when life gets hard, live through it and grow through it.
Furthermore, too often we seek fulfillment from the foreman, our earnings, certain market conditions or something outside to change, but to be free to learn to live in hard times one must have a desire. My desire gave me the motivation to change my life because I had this burning desire to be successful and it forced me to identify, visualize and move my mind and body towards a particular type of life that I want to live.
After re-reading my journal, it was a reminder of how thankful I am today – I am grateful for each new day that God grants to me, a do-over a second chance. Although “I blew it years ago. I do feel that I could have saved myself a couple of years here and there if I’d just told myself, stop having so much pride, swallow and ask for help, pride gets you into debt and stops you from seeking out a solution. It is said that of all the sins, pride is the lead. I believe that to hold true value, but I was also busy wallowing in self-pity. Don’t misunderstand me it is okay to do a little wallowing, as long as it does not paralyze; my problem was I allow it to deaden me. Not anymore, I learn when life gets hard, live through it and grow through it.
For me, not knowing how to “swallow my pride” meant feeling as if I was in a ‘Battle for my Mind, a series of trains ride, through my brain, and there’s no stopping for rest or sleep. If only I had pushed my pride aside to know the core of not having to learn the hard way. Although it would have bothered me to ask for help; if I could go back in time, I would “swallow my pride,” and ask even though it would feel awkward. Asking would have avoided all embarrassment that occurred and prevents the time when I would stress, and the various concerns that prevented me from fall asleep. Now, instead of focusing on what I did not have, I focus on what I do have. That’s how I learn when life gets hard, live through it and grow through it.
Lifelong learning is the “ongoing, willingness, and self-motivated” pursuit of knowledge for personal or professional purposes. When learning how to live and grow in life, this is a lifelong habit; it is about getting in touch with fears, staying in touch with the physical feeling of doubt, embracing and welcoming and being curious about whatever is in front of you.
Life has been very hard for me yet, at the same time, it has taught me a good ordeal. I learned that I would repeatedly end up disappointed and hurt to think people will do for me as I do for them. Since not everyone has the same heart like me, I had to accept things are as they are, if I did not, I would suffer because I imagined differently. Yes, we have all faced various levels of hindrances, disappointments, and sadness, just as some have had days where they wake up wondering what will go wrong next. From those kinds of days, I learn there is just no way I can always control what happens to me. Certainly, there will be days when people and circumstances occasionally knock me down. From that, I want to revisit and discuss how I was tempted to lose hope.
A year ago, before I found peace, I would wake up feeling liveness trying to make it through the day with only a few hours of sleep and not know how to begin living. I felt as if my heart been crushed beyond recognition repeatedly. There were times when I was unsure of the decisions I made, and sometimes I was sure they were wrong choices. I even went through situations where my path was utterly unclear, and I did not know if I want to continue the next step or just walk off a cliff. However, now, I plan and know how to handle my life, and I am the first to acknowledge that when life gets hard, don’t give up, you can live through it, and grow through it.
Things got so hard and rough that I had to remind myself not to allow life and its challenges to continue choosing a negative future for me. It seems like the people I felt I need was becoming more and more disconnected with me, I felt lonely and afraid. Also, I allow the people I care about the most to affect my overall mood swing. There were times when I waited and waited. For minutes. For hours, even for days, longing to hear friends and loves one voice, but all I had was silence. Then I came to the realization I did not need to listen to their voices or excuses or what they have to say for themselves because their actions already spoke the truth
Though I felt alone and disappointed, I decided they all treat me like an option, so I left like what I had a choice. Although it hurts to let go, I knew it would hurt me more to hold on. Yes, it was one of those times I feel a sense of loss, but, I decided I WILL survive and I WILL get through this. I learn from my fear that if I let go of the things I am terrified of and step out on faith, I can live a peaceful life and, I can overcome my anxiety. I discovered from not letting go of my fear that it when I was overwhelmed. I had no idea of where to go. However, to have faith and get out of God’s way, He will help me repair the mess I made of my life and bring me out.